


Paperback Books and Peppermint

by CatheRinRin



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Omega Spencer Reid, Protective claims, Slow Build, Time Skips, you know what season
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:34:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatheRinRin/pseuds/CatheRinRin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer smelled like books and peppermint, and now, to everyone else...</p><p>He'd smell of something else.<br/>~<br/>Morgan must place a protective claim on young and impressionable Dr. Spencer Reid in order for him to be accepted into the BAU. </p><p>Original Title Out of Necessity, which is now the title of Chapter 1. Begins Pre season one, and I will be adding tags and characters as the story progresses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out of Necessity

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing anything with A/B/O dynamics. This work was originally titled Out of Necessity, which you will notice is now the title of the first chapter. Also, don't be afraid to let me know of any grammar mistakes I may have missed so I can correct it asap. :)

“Hotch, you can’t be serious.”

Derek Morgan felt like he had been blind-sighted, watching his superior’s stoic face in a vain hope that he was actually joking. But he knew better; Hotchner never joked. An omega in the FBI was extremely rare; Morgan would like to believe it wasn’t because of discriminatory reasons, but he knew that was probably not true. The point was, Morgan hasn’t worked with an omega at all in his time with the BAU. Granted it’s only been about a year and a half, but still. Most of the females working in the FBI were betas- the rest rare alphas themselves. So when Hotchner called him in today to talk about the open position finally being filled, he didn’t expect him to say it was going to be taken by an omega.

A single, unclaimed omega at that.

Morgan didn’t discriminate, but that was damn near impossible nowadays. Even if an Omega was single, she’d at least have a claim from a family friend to protect them from any unwanted advances. If Morgan was honest, he’d say he was impressed. The reality was, while alphas and omegas only made up a small amount of society, the amount of discrimination and just downright lack of respect for omegas was extremely prominent still, and the fact they got all the way to become a member of the BAU without any sort of alpha by her side was something to be commended.

It was a shame now that she finally got here though, they wanted her to subject herself to letting an alpha mark their scent as a protective safety measure. 

“Morgan, you must know I would never ask this of you as a joke.” Hotchner spoke seriously, his eyes commanding and Morgan had to admit that he respected this man. “You know the only two members of this team who are alphas are you and myself. I called you into this office to ask this because of confidentiality, and we’ve never had a situation like this before.”

Morgan sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, this doesn’t feel right, Hotch. I get that it’s to protect them, but hasn’t anyone thought that this omega might not want some random alpha they just met rubbing their scent all over them?”  
  
Hotchner sighed, folding his hands on his desk, “If you ask my opinion, I don’t think it’s right, either. But even though their intelligence is possibly one of the greatest assets this team is going to ever have, the Bureau was planning on denying their application as it was. It took a ten page recommendation letter from Gideon and this agreement in order for them to be accepted.”

Morgan clenched his fist. That was fucked up.

He bit back his anger and tried to stay calm. “How old are they?”

“They’ve just turned 22 last week.”

“22?” Morgan shook his head in disbelief, “They’re just a kid, Hotch. None of this feels right at all.”

Hotchner’s expression remained calm, “I understand your concerns, but this ‘kid’ probably knows more than the two of us combined. While he’s admittedly not the strongest, his intelligence scores were off the charts. He’s working on his third PHD already, and has one of the greatest minds I think this unit will ever see.”

Morgan paused for a moment, processing what Hotchner just revealed. “He?”

Hotchner raised his eyebrows, “Is that a problem?”  
  
Morgan shook his head, embarrassed at himself for his ignorance, “No, it’s just male omegas are… really rare.”

Hotchner sighed, seeming almost defeated, “Dr. Spencer Reid is quite an exception in a lot of ways. The bottom line is, in order for him to join, the bureau wants to make sure his presence will not be a hindrance in any way. The workplace has a non-disclosure policy, but that only goes so far when we have an omega in the field. He already has given us a full list of medications he is taking in order to suppress any heat and scent he may have. But the fact remains that unless he has an alpha’s scent those may not be enough to mask his own from other unspoken for alphas we may come across in our line of work. He has agreed to let an alpha he will be working closely with make a claim, which leaves only you or me. And I figured since you are closer in age and I have Haley it would be more appropriate for you to do so. The only people in the office who would know of this would be the three of us. If you do not feel comfortable, however, I have already spoken to Haley about this and she has agreed that it would be best if I marked him.”

And Morgan just couldn’t bring himself to ask Hotchner to do that. He was right, if one of them had to do it, it should be Morgan. Morgan was single, it wasn’t like he had an omega at home and if he had to help out one so that they could have the same opportunities as himself he would.  This world was fucked up.

Of course, with this job, he already knew that.

“I’ll do it.” Morgan finally agreed, and he could see the brief look of relief on Hotchner’s face as he said it. “So when is this gonna happen?”

“Dr. Reid will be joining us on our next case. He starts tomorrow morning, so you have the next 16 hours to… mentally prepare.”

Morgan appreciated having a little bit of time to process he was going to be leaving his scent on complete stranger, a male omega no less. “And just… where are we gonna…” He made some arm motions, not sure how to put it, “You know.”

Hotchner seemed amused, “both of you will arrive early and I’ll introduce you to one another. Then I’ll close the blinds and leave the two of you alone so you can have privacy. Use the time to get to know one another and do what you need to do before we head to the briefing room.”

Morgan nodded, and excused himself from Hotch’s office. He could worry about this after he got through all of his paperwork.

 

When Morgan’s alarm went off, he was already awake. In fact, he wasn’t quite sure if he had fully gone to sleep at all. He didn’t want to admit it, but his mind was racing as to who this Dr. Reid was. A 22 year old male omega who was already working on his third PhD? That seems absolutely insane, albeit impressive. He willed himself not to look up the doctor online, solely so he could reserve judgement when he met the kid himself. But he had to admit it was quite hard to do. Instead, his mind wondered all night, wondering just what kind of person he’d be. Obviously smart, but would he be pretentious about it? If Morgan was honest, the guy had every reason to be. Just imagining what sort of obstacles this omega must have went through to get to where he was made Morgan already have a lot of respect and admiration. He just hoped this person would be someone he could get along with, especially since he would be basically promising to protect him from harm, no matter what, today. He knew this was strictly business, but it’s not like he wouldn’t do his best to protect the omega as if he were someone he knew well. Morgan had his fair share of girlfriends and one night stands, but whenever he left a scent on them it was guaranteed to only be temporary. With Dr. Reid, he’d have to always stay close to him, to make sure that the claim became permanent. And even though he’d be protective, he also had to make sure he wasn’t overbearing. He would have to treat Reid just like he was another member of the team. Which, while Morgan already realized would be hard, he was determined to do so.

He got out of bed to get ready for today, opting out of a shower. It wasn’t like he was dirty, and it would be easier to get his scent on Dr. Reid later this morning. After he was dressed and cleaned up, he left the house to go to the coffee shop down the road. Normally he would flirt with the pretty cashier, and it was obvious she was expecting some sort of come on. But he just gave her a polite smile and ordered two cups of coffee and breakfast rolls. He figured Reid was probably nervous himself, and that getting him some breakfast would be a nice gesture for their awkward situation. He didn’t want to think about how sour her expression got as she placed his order in a bag and handed him the coffee. 

He decided not to think too hard about it.

After grabbing his food, he drove to the office, fighting back childlike nerves he didn’t realize he still had. He parked quickly, hoping that someone like JJ or Garcia weren’t in the office yet. And if they were, at least didn’t see him. His mind was distracted as he reached the elevator, and only registered at the last second someone else was trying to get in. He held the door open and the young man stepped in, gripping tightly onto his shoulder bag and giving a polite, “Thank you.” Without making eye contact.

“What floor?” Morgan asked absentmindedly, watching the lanky kid look at the buttons on the elevator carefully and quickly look at a folded paper he was holding.

“Uhhh.” He looked rather lost, and Morgan couldn’t help but wonder what the hell someone who looked young enough to be a college student was doing in FBI headquarters. “That looks to be the floor I’m supposed to head to, actually.”

It was then that Morgan decided to really, _really_ examine this kid. He was almost as tall as Morgan but had half the mass, thin and lanky. His hair was gelled back, and he wore an oxford underneath a sweater vest, which didn’t look bad but certainly wasn’t fashionable by any means. He glanced over at Morgan for a second before turning away again, staring straight ahead and biting his lip nervously. And the second Morgan breathed in through his nose, he realized the air was currently held a faint scent of paperback books and peppermint.

And then it dawned on him. This poorly dressed kid in front of him…

“You must be Doctor Reid.”

He could have sworn the man almost jumped, and he finally turned his body to face Morgan properly. “I- I am, actually. How did you know?”

Morgan met the kid’s eyes for the first time. And wow, were they pretty.

He wondered what to would the best way to answer that question, and opted for extending one of the lukewarm coffees in his hand for Dr. Reid to take and giving a kind smile. “I’m SSA Derek Morgan. It’s nice to meet you.”

He figured Reid would know who he was, and if the blush that spread across his cheeks was anything to go by, he was right. He hesitantly took the cup of coffee from Morgan, muttering out another, “Thank you,” and took a sip. There wasn’t tension between the two of them, but Reid’s nerves were obvious.

The young doctor bit his lower lip before stating, “Hotchner told me about you.”

Derek stopped himself from looking amused and took a swig of his own coffee as the elevator finally came to a halt and the doors opened. He walked out of the elevator, Reid following behind him quickly as he readjusted his shoulder bag strap. He walked slowly to allow Reid to catch up and they walked side by side. Derek turned to give Reid a grin. “He told me about you too. I hear you’re quite the genius. ”

Reid smiled briefly before shrugging, “Well, I don’t know if I’d really use the term genius or anything. I don’t think it’s possible to actually quantify someone’s intelligence like that. I mean, I do have an eidetic memory and am currently working on a third Phd and can read 20,000 words per minute and I- uh.” He bit his lip again, averting his gaze to the coffee held in his hand. “Sorry.”

Wow. This guy could talk fast.

Morgan gave a reassuring smile, “It’s all good, pretty boy. There’s no need to be so nervous.”

He found himself chuckling. He himself was more nervous than he’d like to admit. But Reid seemed to take comfort in this, tucking a loose hair behind his ear and trying to smile. He didn’t know where the term of endearment came from so suddenly, but looking at Reid like this he figured it was fitting.

“Right.” Reid took another sip of coffee and followed Morgan to Hotchner’s office. Once they reached the door, Morgan grabbed the handle and opened it for Reid on instinct, and Reid gave him a small smile in return. He followed his new colleague into the office and watched Hotchner’s face as the two agents walked in together.

“Oh,” He looked surprised, “It seems you two have met.”

Morgan decided to speak for the both of them, “We ran into each other in the elevator.”

Reid nodded in agreement, and Hotchner stood up, adjusting his suit jacket. He gave Reid a friendly smile, “Well, Dr. Reid, we’re pleased to have you on the team. If you two need anything, I’ll be in agent Jareau’s office. I understand this is a less than ideal situation, so take as much time as you need to get acquainted before today’s briefing.” He went over to his window and closed the blinds, making sure no one could see into the office before giving a serious glance at Morgan. He responded in kind, giving his boss a sharp nod before Hotchner made his way out of the room, leaving the two strangers alone.

“So,” Reid spoke, his eyes back to the cup of coffee he held with both hands. His mannerisms were almost fidgety and he gave a half smile and tapped his index finger on the paper cup, “I guess this is really happening…”

Morgan looked upon the nervous omega and instantly felt the need to try and make him feel more comfortable. He opened the paper bag with the pastries and took one out, giving it to Reid. “I thought you might be a little too nervous to think about getting a proper breakfast, so I figured I’d at least bring something for this morning.”

Reid glance up at Morgan before looking back down at the roll in front of him and taking it gratefully. He took a bite and stood, still a little stiff but not as fidgety as before. They ate together in quietly before Morgan broke the silence once more. “So,” he started, “You have any siblings?”  
  
The genius shook his head, “No, it’s just me. You?”

“Two sisters,” Derek leaned against the unusually cleared off desk, and took another sip of his coffee. “Consider yourself lucky, kid.”

Reid quietly laughed, taking a drink of his own coffee before placing the paper cup in the wastebasket next to the desk. He finished his pastry, looking as if he was trying to come up with something to say, and Derek wished he could do something to make things less awkward between them. He quickly finished his pastry and set his cup on a coaster before facing Reid. “Look, Reid. I get that this isn’t something you probably want to do, and I’m really sorry it’s gotta be like this. If I’m honest I feel like I’m invading your privacy, and the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.”

Reid’s body visibly relaxed and these words, something Morgan was incredibly grateful for. “I realize that now, thank you.” He granted Morgan a gentle smile, and for some reason it made a pull on his heartstrings. “This probably isn’t ideal for you, either. I know it must be unfavorable to put a claim on an omega you just met. Normally there’s more of an emotional attachment for these things and it’s unfair of me to ask of you to do this just so that I can have a chance at this job.”

Morgan realized he’d have to kill that thought if he were to make Reid comfortable around him at all to do this.

“Look, Spencer, right?” Reid nodded. Morgan walked up to him and cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder. It was obvious this omega wasn’t used to any sort of physical contact whatsoever, and Morgan felt even more like shit. “I don’t want you to ever think that this is something I _don’t_ want to do for you. The only concern I have is how _you_ feel. I think it’s amazing you’ve joined our team and I can already tell you’ll be an amazing asset. I personally think it’s unfair for the bureau to only accept you on such ridiculous conditions. But if I can make your transition into this team easier I am more than willing to help out a fellow colleague. You fought hard to get where you are now and I hope you can see your accomplishments aren’t belittled because of this.”

Spencer’s eyes were wide, obviously in shock and he looked at a loss for words. “T-thank you, Derek.” He choked out, easing into Derek’s touch on his shoulder. “That means a lot.”

Morgan smiled, rubbing his hand comfortingly down Reid’s arm. “We can start whenever you like.”

Reid nodded quickly, swallowing back his nerves and giving Derek a smile, “I supposed now is as good of a time as ever.”

Morgan grinned. He could already tell this omega was special. “Okay, pretty boy, whatever you say. If it’s easier for you to relax, you’re more than welcome to close your eyes.”

Which is was what the doctor did, willing himself to relax at the unfamiliar touch. Morgan took the moment to lessen the gap between the two of them now, and moved Spencer so he would be leaning against the windowsill. And then, he began, leaning in close and bury his face into the crook of the younger man’s neck.

He inhaled Spencer’s scent, and had to admit he quite enjoyed it. The fact it was so faint was obviously because of the insane amount of suppressants he was sure the young omega must have been prescribed. But it was still there, filling up Morgan’s senses slowly and he moved the hand on Spencer’s shoulder to his back, gently rubbing and coercing the omega to relax. It was painfully obvious Reid had never been close to an alpha before, and certainly not this intimate. He felt Spencer’s muscles loosen up underneath his touch, and took it as a sign that Reid was ready to continue.

“It’s just you and me, pretty boy. I don’t want you to worry about anything else but us.”

He nodded, and Morgan gently wrapped his arms around Reid, pulling him in close and holding tight. It seemed like Spencer wasn’t quite sure what to do with his own hands, so Derek helped guide him, moving his arms around his torso and Spencer realized he was supposed to respond in kind. Morgan began nuzzling his face into Spencer’s neck, his cheek and nose gently touching the sensitive skin. Reid’s neck was long and thin, and Morgan went to hold the back of his head gently, supporting the now pliant man underneath him. He could feel the younger’s pulse race as he gripped onto the back of Morgan’s shirt.

Morgan used the hand not supporting Reid’s head to gently run down his side, rubbing him comfortingly as he did so. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized he probably didn’t have to be so intimate in order to get his scent on Reid, but he would blame it later on his innate instinct to protect him. He felt Reid whimper as he began to submit, which he figured was a scary and new feeling due to his inexperience. He coaxed him gently, whispering into his ear. “It’s okay, Spencer,” he spoke carefully, holding the omega close to his chest and felt as he finally gave in.

But what he didn’t expect was Spencer subconsciously tilting his head to the side, presenting the crook of his neck for Derek to bite.

Morgan was painfully aware of how naïve and inexperienced this young prodigy was again. Every fiber of his being was telling him to do it, the deep rooted alpha wanting to lick the sensitive area before sinking his teeth in. But he knew this was more than likely unintentional on Reid’s part and would in no way do something so reckless and self-absorbed.  Instead, Morgan merely allowed himself to place a chaste kiss on the spot, feeling Reid’s pulse underneath his lips for only a brief moment before he backed off.

He slowly winged himself off Spencer, placing one last kiss on his forehead before letting go completely of Spencer and backing away. He watch’s Reid’s movements carefully, the blush on his face now a permanent red flush as he crossed his arms protectively around himself. He knew he probably shouldn’t have kissed Reid in any form, but it was one of the easiest ways in order to guarantee Morgan’s scent would stay with him for quite a while.

“I’m sorry,” He started, but Reid just shook his head.

“Don’t be. It’s a natural reaction and I shouldn’t have done that anyway.” Reid was avoiding direct eye contact again, clearly embarrassed he presented himself so openly, “I guess I’m just- not used to it.”

Morgan wish he could do something to relieve the tension, so decided he’d give his new coworker a proper welcome pat on the back, “It’s okay, kid. I’m just glad I’m able to help. You probably won’t have to go through that every time we work on a case either. We’ll be around each other enough to where it should stay permanent.”

Spencer met his eyes once more and gave a hesitant smile. “Thanks, Morgan.”

God, Reid’s eyes were beautiful.

“No problem, Reid. Why don’t we go tell Hotch we’re ready?”

His new coworker nodded and followed Morgan out of the office to begin their new case.

Spencer smelled like books and peppermint, and now, to everyone else…

He’d smell of something else.

Morgan.

* * *

  
_"Attend me, hold me in your muscular flowering arms, protect me from throwing any part of myself away."_  

 **-Audre Lorde**  



	2. Out of Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan is protective over Reid, but the way he acts is out of concern. It's certainly not anything else like Hotch is implying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided instead of jumping to where I had originally planned, I'm going to be showing certain key points and building up the relationship between Reid and Morgan. Meaning this will skip around chronologically quite a bit. Please don't be afraid to tell me of grammar issues, especially since all of these chapters go mostly unedited as I look over them myself and post as soon as possible.
> 
> Episodes mentioned are season 1, Episode 1 Extreme Aggressor, and Episode 9 Derailed.

Having Spencer as a member of the team wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as his superiors thought. Hotch was absolutely right in saying this kid had more knowledge than both of them combined and an insane amount of intelligence. And Morgan made it a point to not treat Reid like he was any different from the rest of the team. In fact, the others didn’t know of Reid’s secondary gender for months, which he absolutely understood why Reid would want to keep it in the dark. Reid, while shy and awkward when it came to social aspects, was not submissive whatsoever. The stereotype of omegas being gentle and pliant people Morgan came to realize was absolutely not true. He’d never held much merit to it anyway, but Reid proved this time and time again. In fact, the omega was more careless than anything else. He never let an Alpha walk over him or make him step down while they were on the job. Reid was perhaps one of the strongest people he’d ever met in general, and Morgan realized very quickly there was no way he could stop him from doing reckless and crazy things.

But knowing that didn’t stop Morgan from blaming himself whenever anything went wrong and Reid ended up in danger. He knew he was overprotective, but he also recognize most of it must have come from the bond he had with the kid. But Derek would be concerned for anyone on the team if they were in trouble, not just Spencer.

Still, it all seemed just- _more_ with Reid, and he didn’t know if it was because Reid was an omega, or if because Reid had become a good friend of his in such a short amount of time.

He assumed it was both.

 

Everything about this situation seemed oddly familiar to Morgan. He was standing in front of Hotchner in his office, the man sitting at his desk and going through a case file. It was early, before any of these files would be handed out in the briefing room and Morgan could only imagine why Hotch was calling him in this early.

“You wanted to talk to me?”

Hotchner’s eyes were not on him, more focused on the papers on his desk. “I was wanting to ask you your opinion on how Reid is doing in the field.”

Morgan’s expression did not waver, though his thoughts were now on the young profiler. It had been a little over a year since the young man had joined the team. He did exceptionally well, maybe not with his shooting or infiltration, but he could talk his way out of anything, and his mind…

Reid was exceptional.  
  
“I think that what he brings to this team is invaluable. You were right when you said he knows more than any of us, and I think he does bring knowledge and insight we didn’t have before. Even if he’s a lousy shot or he isn’t the most physical.”

Hotchner seemed awful careful with his choice of words as he lifted his head to look up at Morgan, “I guess what I’m really trying to ask is: how are you two getting along?”

“We get along just fine, you know that.” Hotchner’s gaze didn’t ease up, and Morgan found himself getting frustrated, “Just what is this about, Hotch?”

The older alpha laced his fingers together and folded his hands, practically glaring at Morgan, “I just want to make sure that you remember how hard it was for Reid to join our team and realize that there are boundaries you must abide by.”

Morgan could feel his blood boiling. There were so many things Hotchner was implying by saying that, none of which were anything positive. He found himself crowding Hotchner’s desk, looking down at the older alpha almost challengingly, “You have got to be kidding me Hotch, you know I would never do anything like that to the kid.”

He knew Hotchner wouldn’t back down. Their conversations always came to this, one challenging the other, “As the leader of this team it’s my job to make sure nothing unprofessional is going on. I understand that we are all close, and I consider you to be a good friend of mine. The situation between you and Reid has been a bit- different, because you placed a protective claim. I know you must be closer than normal to him in order for it to work, especially since it’s such a light bond as it is. But the fact remains it’s obvious you aren’t a parental figure to Reid. I just want to make sure I don’t have anything to worry about.”

Morgan closed his eyes and backed away, trying to keep himself calm. The fact was, Hotchner really was just doing his job. But it didn’t stop him from feeling as if it was a personal attack on his own self-restraint and intensions. Morgan never once thought of taking advantage of Reid, and just the thought of using their claim to twist it into a romantic relationship made him feel sick. He’d be taking advantage of Reid’s trust in him, of the friendship they already had. And while there was a reason Morgan had so quickly taken to affectionately calling him, “pretty boy,” the thought that there may be something more to their relationship besides an unconventional coworker and friend hadn’t crossed his mind.

He opened his eyes once more, and hoped Hotch could tell how serious he was. “I get that you’re just looking out for the kid, but you gotta understand I would _never_ take advantage of him. I have a need to protect him, just like I know you must by now. And that’s because he’s my _friend_. I know the rules, Hotch. And I don’t plan on breaking them any time soon. If you didn’t trust me, then why didn’t you do the claim in the first place?”

Hotchner sighed, his gaze finally easing up, “I trust you more than you think, Morgan. I just know how difficult it can be to ignore some innate instincts and the fact you two are obviously closer than normal may worry people who don’t understand and might make them think something is going on. I just want to make sure I can back you up in confidence if anyone tries to question your motives.”  
  
“Well,” Morgan unclenched the fist he didn’t realize he made, “you have nothing to worry about. There’s nothing going on between me and Reid.”

Hotchner didn’t say anything for what felt like ages. He studied Morgan carefully, before finally relenting. “That’s good to know.”

Morgan didn’t ask if he could leave, but he did anyway. As far as he was concerned the conversation was over, and it took every ounce of his willpower not to slam Hotch’s door on the way out.

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

“Oh, Morgan, you’re here early.”

He exhaled, his pulse was going back to normal and he could smell fresh book pages and peppermint in the air.

“Hey, Reid.” He looked over at said Omega and was greeted by a look of concern.

Reid adjusted his grip on the box of paperwork he was carrying, and furrowed his brows, “Is there anything wrong? What did Hotch want?”  
  
Morgan decided to just shake his head, and walked over to Reid. He grabbed the box from him before Spencer could protest, “Nothing’s wrong kid, I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Reid didn’t look like he believed him, but didn’t ask any questions.

And he was grateful for it.

 

That was the day Gideon came back from medical leave and they went to Seattle for the Vogel case. Reid had figured out Slessmen’s password to his computer. He’d seen Reid do more impressive things, but something about this was different.

When he looked down at Reid, he couldn’t help but notice his eyes almost held a golden hue to them.

At that moment, Morgan realized he could stare at them all day.

 

“Or we could fake it.”

All eyes were on Spencer the moment he said those words. Elle was currently being held hostage on the train, along with civilians by a deranged unsub who had psychotic delusions, and time was running out. They needed to think of a way to fool him into believing a chip would be removed from his arm, and Derek already didn’t like where Reid’s train of thought was headed.

“Conceal a chip in the palm, a little uh…”

They watched Reid as he made the coin disappear.

“Sleight of hand.”

Morgan didn’t like this at all, “Oh come on Reid, are you talking about a magic trick?”

“Yes, I’m talking about a magic trick.”

Hotch’s voice was calm, but firm, “No.”

“I-” Reid stuttered, turning to look at Hotch and bargaining with him, “I used to do it during college exams, I can make it appear, I can make it disappear-””

Hotch interrupted, “We can’t risk giving him another agent as a hostage.”

 “We have to do something.” Reid’s voice held a finality which said his mind was already made up. And Morgan didn’t like it at all.

After a brief second, Morgan got up, “Alright, Reid.” He challenged Spencer and stood in front of him, meeting his gaze, “Let’s go, teach it to me.”

The younger man looked as if he was confused, almost upset that Morgan would suggest it. He glanced back down only for a second before looking back up, “What? No.”

“Look, if you can do it, I can do it, show it to me.”

“I’ve been practicing my whole life, we have less than thirty minutes.”

“Reid,” Morgan found himself placing a hand on Reid’s shoulder, almost subconsciously. He needed to convey that this wasn’t going to be allowed, that by under no circumstances was it okay for Reid to do this, “I am not about to let you get on that train with an armed psychotic.”

“We don’t have any other choice, do we?”  
  
“No.”

When Gideon spoke, Morgan was reminded that the two of them weren’t alone. That Reid was currently in the room with three alphas, staring them down and holding to his convictions. That Morgan wasn’t technically allowed to tell Reid what he could or couldn’t do. 

He released the grip he had on Reid's shoulder, his hand sliding down the omega's arm slowly as they faced Gideon.

“We don’t have any other choice.”

Morgan’s head snapped back to Reid, who was looking everywhere but at him.  
  
Whether Morgan liked it or not, this was happening.

And he wasn’t about to let Reid go without doing everything he could to make sure the kid was prepared.

When Hotchner left to fetch a chip from a camera, Morgan strapped Reid into a bulletproof vest. He went over all the rules, making sure Reid understood that he mustn’t take the vest off, that he had to play into the fantasy. Once it the two went over everything, they all met outside, Hotchner giving him the chip and Reid taking a few tries before he finally got it down. And after promising Gideon he wouldn’t stay inside, he was ready to leave.

“Could you guys do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

Morgan was quick to respond, he knew that. But right at this moment telling Reid he was there for him was more important than what others might think.

“Could at least one of you look like you’re gonna see me again?”

None of them knew how to respond to that, and Morgan felt terrible. He knew he should have faith in Reid, and it wasn’t like he didn’t. But he couldn’t help worry something was going to go wrong, that Reid was going to get hurt or worse-

Hotch spoke up, “See you when you get back.”

Reid let out a breathy laugh before turning around and walking away. And it only took Morgan a quick second after he looked back at the rest of the team to run after him.

“Reid, wait.”

He turned around to face Morgan, and when Derek caught up with him he pulled Spencer into his arms. He held on tightly, hoping that some of his scent would be able to rub off onto the omega. He knew it was a vain hope; any alpha would be able to smell Derek already. But it made Morgan feel better knowing that Spencer might be safer with an alpha’s smell more dominant and his natural aroma not as apparent.

Reid didn’t return the embrace, but he seemed to be relaxing in his arms. Derek let go and looked into Spencer’s eyes.

They were more of a hazel color right now, with specks of green shining from the sunlight.

“I’ll see you when you’re finished. Now get Elle out of there.”

Reid only nodded once, before turning away and heading out.

The next hour felt like torture for Morgan, watching Spencer do basically everything he was told not to and try to talk the unsub down. But in the end, the kid got the job done, and Morgan couldn’t help but feel almost proud. Once Reid was out Morgan felt nothing but relief and impressed, his uneasiness only subsiding when Reid was in his line of sight.  
  


He found Reid later on in the hospital’s waiting room, sipping on coffee and leaning against the wall. And Morgan couldn’t help but think there wasn’t a better sight he could have seen at that moment, Reid safe and sound and not in danger. He walked over to Reid, and was greeted by the doctor’s small smile.

“I brought back Elle, just like you told me to do.”  
  
Morgan couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on his face, “You sure did, kid.” He added, as an afterthought, “I’m proud of you. You did a good job.”

Reid’s smile got wider, and wow. What was that, the jolt that just went through his body? “I guess I did do a pretty good job today, huh?”

Morgan stood beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Reid looked down at where they touched before meeting his eyes, and Morgan hoped he could see his sincerity, “I wanted to apologize, Reid. I don’t want you to think I doubt you, or make you think that I want to control you or that I think you can’t do something I can.”

Reid had that simple smile on his face, the side of his mouth turning up just slightly, and placed his free hand in his pocket. “I know, Derek.”

Derek raised an eyebrow, asking without words. And Spencer put it bluntly, looking down at his coffee for only a brief second before meeting Derek’s eyes.

“You care about me.”

And well, there was no denying that logic. Derek really did care about him, more than he realized. He knew that he couldn’t stop Spencer from acting reckless, that there would be times where either of them could be put in an unsub’s line of fire. He had to accept that. Reid would always be himself, no matter what. It was almost comforting, knowing that.

He watched Spencer walk away, more than likely to go visit Elle where she was getting checked on.

And Morgan naïvely hoped what Reid went through today would be the hardest thing he had to watch.  
  


* * *

_"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved."_ **– George MacDonald**


	3. Out of Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan and Reid fight their inner demons, relying on one another for support. And Morgan realizes just how much Reid means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a particularly hard one for me to write, though I'm surprised I finished it so quickly. All warnings associated with the events of these episodes apply. Episodes directly mentioned:
> 
> Season 2: Episode 12 Profiler Profiled  
> Season 2: Episode 14 The Big Game and Episode 15 Revelations  
> Season 2: Episode 18 Jones

Elle came and went, and the year spent with her almost seemed to go by at lightening speed. Morgan watched as Reid blame himself silently, as if he could have somehow stopped her from having a breakdown. But what happened couldn’t have been avoided, and Morgan believed Reid came to accept that after a while.

With the departure of Elle came Prentiss, giving the team a fresh new outlook and experience, and Morgan didn’t have a clue as to where it came from. But she assimilated into the group rather quickly, paving her way into everyone’s hearts. And Morgan could see Prentiss was more than what she appeared.

He also found himself watching Reid more than usual, especially after learning of Reid’s mother and her condition. It wasn’t like Morgan set out to treat Reid any differently, but he definitely was more aware, more vigilant in picking up Reid’s emotions and whether or not his colleague was okay.

Morgan decided not to overthink his actions, but somewhere, deep down, he wondered how long he could go not addressing it.

 

Morgan’s trip home to Chicago this time was by far the hardest thing he’d ever done. Buford was behind bars, but the scars still remained. And now, the one thing he never wanted anyone to find out, was out in the open.

Morgan didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to feel. For years, he had kept it a secret, what happened all those years ago in that cabin. Before he came to full maturity. He had thought maybe, vainly, that he was the only one. And he obviously wasn’t.

He supposed, above all, he felt relieved knowing Buford was going to get what he deserved. There was no use blaming himself. But that didn’t take away the humiliation. Rationally, he knew he shouldn’t feel ashamed, that none of this was his fault. But the sinking feeling inside, knowing that everyone else knew and there was no hiding it. It wasn’t like he thought anyone would treat him differently, or look at him with pity. But Morgan feared it would be in the back of their minds, subconscious, telling others he was fragile.

That he was anything less than himself.

The team was staying in town at a nearby hotel that night, while Derek stayed with his family. But Derek couldn’t sleep, not after everything that happened. The others were going home in the morning, but Derek had decided to stay out the remainder of his visit. He wanted to be present at Damien’s funeral.

Morgan stared up at the ceiling and wished the world was a better place. That it didn’t take a tragedy to make a change.

Derek’s mother was asleep in the other room, and his sisters weren’t too far down the hall in bed as well. He didn’t want to think about what all they had to go through these last few days. He was the one who put them through hell, worried and confused as they waited for Derek’s name to be cleared. And it all was too much. Suddenly, the house felt suffocating.

He got out of bed and grabbed his jacket, making his way to the front door and stepping outside. He let the crisp night air pierce his senses and clear his head for a moment.

Derek didn’t know when or how or why, but he found himself getting in the car and starting the engine.

The ride was a blur to him, and it was if his body was leading him somewhere of its own accord. It was only until after he showed the front desk at the hotel his badge and asked which room Reid was staying in he even realized he was standing outside of the room door.

Derek paced just outside the room. What was he thinking? What was he even doing here? He had told Hotch and Gideon he wanted his space tonight, that being home with his family was the most important thing at the moment. But instead he was standing outside of his coworker’s room and wondering what possessed him to think this was be a good idea. And why Reid, of all people? He was probably the last person Morgan wanted to see him like this. And yet here he was, standing outside his hotel door and Morgan realized this was a mistake a little too late when he heard someone fumble with the doorknob.

When Spencer opened the door, Derek felt as if his breath was taken away.

 Reid stood in the doorway, a black and green flannel hanging loosely from his lithe frame. He could see the pale collarbone peeking out from underneath the protection of his shirt. His hair fell in front of his face, and he watched Reid furrow his brows from a moment as he adjusted to the light of the hallway, pulling a curl back behind his ear. “Morgan?”

Derek was at a loss for words, staring at Spencer and wondering what possessed him to visit him. He rubbed his eyes and breathed slowly, trying to clear the fogginess in his head. When he looked back up at Reid, this time he could actually handle it.

“Hey, pretty boy.” He spoke softly, not sure what else to say. And it seemed like Reid was confused, fidgeting as he put a hand on the doorway.

“What are you doing here?”

Morgan shrugged, not knowing the answer himself. So he said the only thing he knew he was certain of, “I can’t sleep.”

Reid studied him for a brief moment, biting his lower lip and Morgan couldn’t describe it but that _did_ something to him. He could feel a burning sensation pool in his stomach and his chest feel heavy. Finally, Reid spoke. “Come on in,” and he waved Derek inside.

He followed Spencer into the room, and watched as his friend twiddled with his fingers. Morgan knew Reid didn’t know what to say, was thinking of the best way to bring up to subject, so he decided to put an end to that before it began. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Reid’s eyes found him, and he gave a breathless laugh, shaking his head, “That’s fine. We don’t have to talk about anything if you want.”

“I just-” Derek began, not quite sure how he would end. “I guess I don’t know why I came here.” Reid’s eyes were beautiful in this light, but they held a twinge of sadness Morgan didn’t like. He knew he caused that, and he didn’t want to think of Reid pitying him, thinking of him as some sort of victim. This was a mistake. He was backing out before he could think, already turning away from Reid’s knowing eyes, “It’s really nothing; I shouldn’t have woken you up just because I couldn’t sleep. You should get some rest. ”

Morgan already had a hand on the doorknob when he heard Reid call out his name.

“Derek.”

When he turned around, Derek was greeted by Spencer’s embrace, his long arms wrapping around his neck as he was pulled close. He could feel Spencer around him, and it was instinct, the way he buried his head into the crook of Reid’s long neck. His hands made their way to grab hold of Spencer’s hips and Derek breathed in as he pulled the Omega closer. There was no space between them left, and while Derek thought he might feel closed in, he didn’t. In fact, he found himself breathing easier, his body relaxing, his senses heightened and all he could feel or smell or even think about now was…

Spencer.

God, Spencer smelled amazing. He already felt at ease, like his eyes were finally beginning to close and he didn’t know if he could open them. Part of him wondered how this was happening, how Morgan could so easily relax just by just feeling a person’s embrace like this.

Spencer’s voice, quiet as a lullaby, answered his thoughts. His tone was gentle, calming, and held something that reminded him almost of how his mother would speak to him as a child.

“Omegas give off pheromones that make any Alpha wish to go to them during times of distress. Just being around one who is close to the Alpha can help them ease their head, especially if they are close enough to be considered a potential mate. It’s biology.”

Those words made Derek’s chest feel heavy, but the rest of his body lighter than it had been in a long time. He breathed against the skin of Spencer’s neck, feeling his flannel against his cheek. He smiled, almost giving a short, breathless laugh. “Biology, huh kid?”

Spencer didn’t answer, but instead lead Morgan to the small sofa in the corner of the room. As they sat down Morgan faced him, watching the younger avoid eye contact as he took Morgan’s leather jacket off. Once he article was off, Spencer finally looked up at him, tucking his hair back behind his ear as he bit his lip. And Morgan wondered why he seemed nervous.

When Reid tugged gently on Morgan’s wrist he came willingly, and soon found himself laying on top of him. Derek’s head rested against Spencer chest and he felt like he was going under, Spencer’s embrace and scent drugging him and he felt his eyes become hooded. He could feel Spencer’s heartbeat, the way his finger rubbed circles into his back, soothing him and Morgan didn’t know how he allowed himself to be this open, so exposed.

A few minutes passed in silence, Morgan was already almost asleep. Suddenly, he heard Spencer’s voice break through, just a quiet thought.

“You know, your family is really nice.”

Derek felt like he barely heard him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Spencer continued, speaking in the calm and gentle voice and Derek felt like he could fall asleep just to the sound of it. “They gave me some cake while I was over. Your sister, Sara, said you talk about me.”

And Morgan did. He would mention Reid’s eccentricity to his family whenever the doctor came up in conversation. And he may have mentioned once or twice how he felt a little overprotective of him. “I have,” was the only respond he could think of.

 He could feel Spencer swallow and chuckle nervously, and Morgan was almost asleep.

“Your mother asked me if we were planning on having children anytime soon.”

Morgan heard Reid, but didn’t actually register his words. Instead he let sleep over take him, the scent of peppermint filling his nose.

 

They didn’t talk about it in the morning. Derek had woken up first, his senses trailing slowly behind his body, and when they caught up last night came flooding back to him. The moment he moved off Spencer the genius ended up stirring awake himself, scrunching his face up before opening his eyes and looking over to Morgan who was already standing and throwing his leather jack back on.

“Morgan, wait,” Reid’s voice was raspy from sleep, just like he was last night when he opened the door. He got up quickly and faced Derek, “You’re leaving already?”

Morgan looked away, adjusting his jacket and the rest of his clothes. “I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here. So my mother must think I disappeared on her with her car.”

“Don’t you think that maybe- we should talk about this?”

He could hear the confusion, the worried tone in Spencer’s voice. And when he looked up to Reid, he realized he was hurting him. There was a line crossed last night, and Morgan wasn’t sure what it was. But something was different between them and Morgan’s chest was aching as he looked at his best friend.

He walked up to Reid a placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks for being there for me last night.”

He saw Reid’s eyes dart to where Derek was touching him, then back up to meet his eyes. He gave Derek a slight smile, the corner of his mouth perking up only a fraction. Like he didn’t actually want to.

“No problem.”

After that, Morgan left, not wanting to look back and potentially see something that made him want to stay.  
  
They acted like that night never had happened, things between them going back to normal rather quickly. But Morgan remembered it, fresh and clear in his mind. And he didn’t know when it started, but Morgan would catch himself not just staring at Reid. His thoughts would wander with his eyes.  What would Reid’s hand feel like if he held it? What would it be like to just spend hours running his fingers through his hair?  Could Morgan stop Reid from ranting if he just leaned over and pressed his lips against-

Morgan was beginning to think Hotchner was right.

 

It wasn’t long after, when one of Morgan’s worst fear came true in the form of Tobias Hankel.

Watching Reid suffer through the torture and pain that sick bastard inflicted on him made Derek’s blood boil and his eyes see red. It was as if he could feel it, the fear and despair Spencer must have been going through, knowing all he could do was pray the team would figure out where he was and wait to be rescued. When Reid almost died, it was like he could tell Reid’s life was slipping further and further away from his grasp, and the sudden jolt when Reid finally gasped for air radiated through his own body. Morgan knew rationally that unless they were mated there was no way he was actually feeling what Spencer was going through. It was like the pseudo bond they shared was taunting him, telling Morgan that this was his fault.

He had promised to look after Reid, to protect him from harm and now he had to watch as Reid was tortured physically and psychologically on a computer monitor. And there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

When they finally found Reid, Hankel was already dead, shot and on the ground as Spencer looked over his body.  For some reason, Morgan didn’t rush to aid him like the others did. All he could do was watch as he was passed around, Prentiss helping him up, Hotchner giving him a comforting hug, JJ wrapping him in her arms and apologizing profusely.  He observed closely as Reid whispered to Gideon, and wondered what the hell was he doing as he went to sit next to Hankel’s dead body once more.

And finally, when he stood up and tried hobbling closer to Morgan, _that_ was when Derek made his way towards Reid. When he was sure he was wanted. It only took Derek a second for him to realize Reid was too injured to walk on his own two feet, seeing as his left foot couldn’t even be on the ground for more than a second before he had to pick it back up.

Neither of them spoke as Derek picked up Spencer in his arms, carrying him away from that awful scene.

And none of the team spoke of it either.

That night, Morgan didn’t sleep, waiting the hours it took for Spencer’s injuries to be seen in the waiting room of the hospital. It was early morning when Reid was finally released and they all wasted no time boarding the plane back home.

It was only then, with Reid lying down and finally asleep, did Morgan close his eyes as well.

 

Reid had changed after that event, and understandably so. It wasn’t going to be easy for him to get over this, and Morgan respected the fact he needed time. He figured his own feelings could be set aside for now, not nearly as important as giving Reid the space he needed in order to heal. 

He needed a friend more than anything at this moment, and that was the one thing Morgan was pretty sure he knew how to do right.

He tried talking to Reid about what happened after their next case on the plane, telling the kid that empathy and understanding wasn’t a weakness. That he could use his experience in order to make himself a better person. He knew it was the right thing to say, but just having one conversation wasn’t going to fix everything right away. It’d be a struggle, and Reid would have to be able to pull himself out of this.

It was hard, watching Reid battle this when it looked like he was losing. He didn’t want to think of Reid not pulling through, that it might end up too much for him to handle and he’d resign like Greenaway did. Rationally, he knew Reid would never do such a thing. But Morgan found himself selfishly worried, especially with the way he would lash out at everyone, particularly Prentiss.

But if Morgan was worried about anything, it was how Reid smelled different lately.

He couldn’t smell the crisp pages or peppermint candy.

Reid just smelled… sick.

 

Morgan stepped on the plane and greeted Prentiss. Once he set his bag down he looked around the plane, and figured out why Prentiss was staring at him like that.

“Where’s Reid?”

Her expression got even more worried as Morgan sat down to join her, “I was hoping he was with you.”

It was then Morgan started to get worried himself, “I thought you said you’d call him.”

“I did, four times. Nothing.”

The last they heard from Reid, he said something about meeting up with his old friend from Vegas. Ethan, if Morgan remembered correctly. Derek had been the one to suggest he called him up, thinking that maybe seeing an old friend might help raise the doctor’s spirits. And if Reid trusted the guy and felt comfortable enough to meet him alone, Reid was probably fine. But that meant he had ignored Prentiss when she called, and he wasn’t planning on coming anytime soon.

Morgan could feel the anger welling up inside, daring to overtake him. They both checked their watches simultaneously, and it already was 5 minutes after they were supposed to take off. Emily sounded upset as she looked over at him. “The victim’s fiancée is expecting us, what are we supposed to do?”

Derek sighed, checking his watch one more time before shaking his head in frustration. “We got one option.”

What he wanted to do was march off this plane, find wherever the hell Reid went with that guy and drag his ass back here.

“Wheels up.”

He went to go tell the pilot they were leaving without Reid, and came back to join Prentiss. The woman seemed clearly frustrated still, shaking her head and setting down the files in her lap as she looked over a Morgan. “What is up with him, lately? I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells trying to figure out if what I say next is going to set him off or not.”

Morgan found himself sighing as he shook his head. The truth was, he didn’t know what was going on with Reid anymore. Reid was still healing, which was obvious to everyone. But something else was also going on. Something that made Morgan feel sick just thinking about. He didn’t know what, but Derek was worried Spencer had maybe gotten into something detrimental, that he might not be coping in ways that are healthy whatsoever.

But he didn’t allow his mind to go any farther than that.

“I don’t know,” Morgan finally spoke, honestly.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Prentiss asked, almost as if Morgan was the one who needed questioning, “You’re the Alpha.”

At those three words Morgan snapped his head in Emily’s direction, “I’m the what now?”

“You’re Reid’s Alpha, I thought you guys had some super instinct when it came to when your mate was upset or something.”

Morgan spoke harsher than he’d have like, “Let’s get one thing straight, Emily, I’m not Reid’s anything. And he is certainly not my _mate_.”

Prentiss seemed at a loss for words, ‘shocked’ not being one you could easily describe her expression with. “I- I’m sorry, I thought that you two were-” 

“Well, you thought wrong.”

The rest of the plane ride was awkward after that, the silence between the two agents deafening.

If Prentiss thought the two of them were promised to one another, then he only could imagine what it looked like to outsiders. And even though Morgan hadn’t lied to her, part of him thought the idea of them together wasn’t such a bad idea.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Derek wondered how long he could keep going like this.

 

“Hey, you guys back from Galveston?”

Morgan looked up from his paperwork to see Reid holding some coffee and joining them at the table. The way he was acting so casual made Morgan have to bite back the anger swelling up. “First flight this morning, where were you?”

Spencer avoided eye contact as he laid his stuff out on the table. “Uh, I was out with a friend I already told you.”

Prentiss spoke up, “I called you four times.”

Reid continued to look away, only looking up at her once his notebook was already open. “I didn’t have any cellphone reception so I didn’t get your message until late.”

“Right.”

Prentiss obviously sounded like she didn’t believe him. And if Morgan was honest, he didn’t either.

Reid finally looked over to Morgan, “What’s going on?”

He met Spencer’s eyes with a harsh glare, not answering right away to let Reid know that their previous conversation wasn’t over.

And it seemed like Reid got the message.

“Our unsub’s a woman.” Derek spoke with authority, looking away and back at his notes.

Hotchner came up to them not a second later, declaring they discovered another body. And on his way out, he accidently brushed his shoulder against Reid. And then, he noticed it. It was faint, like Spencer spent the morning trying to wash it off. He smelled like jazz and liquor.

And something else.

 

“You gonna tell me why you missed that flight to Galveston?”

Derek was snacking on the freebies at the bar, more to calm himself down than anything else.

Spencer spoke quietly, choosing to look away from Morgan and scan the crowd for any potential suspects. “I already told you, there was no cell reception.”

Bullshit.

“Right.”

Reid looked back over at Morgan, crossing his arms. Derek held his gaze, making sure that he couldn’t avoid the question any longer.

The kid didn’t back down, “What?”

“Reid, any time you wanna come up with a better answer, I’m standing right here.”

Reid seemed irritated at that, “why would I lie to you?”

Morgan felt it, the burning feeling in the pit of his stomach, the anger he felt earlier when he noticed Reid’s newly acquired scent. “Because there’s something you’re hiding you don’t want me to find out.”

Morgan could Reid was getting worked up. He stood up straighter, facing Morgan with anger apparent in his eyes. They sparkled with an intensity in this lighting he hadn’t seen in months. And yes, this was what Morgan wanted. This confrontation, this argument that they had been leading up to. “What, so I’m supposed to tell you everything I do now?”

“You’re supposed to at least let me know that you’re safe.”

Reid let out a harsh, quick breath, “You’re not my keeper, Morgan. Last time I checked I didn’t have to tell you anything.”

Morgan closed in on Reid, but it was obvious the Omega had no plans on backing down any time soon. The anger Derek felt from this morning was on full display, “You do when you come to work smelling like someone else.”

Reid seemed almost shocked, “Excuse me?”

“Tell me,” Morgan spoke before he could even think, “did you let your ‘friend’ from Vegas fuck you right away or did you make him buy you a drink first for old time’s sake?”

The hurt Spencer felt emitted from every pore of his body as the look of utter betrayal came across his face, and Derek instantly was overcame with immense regret. He didn’t mean any of it, and Reid certainly didn’t deserve his best friend treating him like that after everything. He wanted to take it back, to let Spencer know it was a mistake before he was completely shut off and Morgan’s tone of voice was now anything but hostile.

“Reid, I-"                                                                                                     

“Last time I checked, none of that was any of your business.” Reid spat out, his voice cruel as he turned away to focus on finding the unsub in the sea of people around them.

After a minute of silence Reid seemed calmer, like all of the energy had been expelled from his body. And Morgan knew Reid was right. It wasn’t any of his business, who Reid decided to spend time with. That Reid was allowed to have some privacy, just like everyone else. If Reid missed the plane, it was because he needed to. And Morgan was prying into something that wasn’t his to open, no matter how much he wanted to.

“I’m sorry, Spencer, you gotta know I didn’t mean it.”

Reid sighed, obviously defeated, “Look, can we please just focus on trying to find this woman before she grabs another victim?”

And Morgan knew he was right, again. Now wasn’t the time or place for this.

It only took a few seconds of Reid actually looking before he spotted something.

“Dark curls, three o’ clock.”

“I got it.”

 

They only got around to talking after the case was already solved. Morgan returned early to the hotel to get some shut eye before they left in the morning, figuring that besides Hotch, the rest of the team went out for the night to enjoy what New Orleans had to offer. He knew that Spencer was most likely with his friend, and at this point, Derek didn’t have any right to be jealous.

_Jealous, huh?_

So that was what Morgan was feeling.

The thought of Spencer with someone else filled him with such anger that he’d lash out on the one person he didn’t want to hurt.

Derek felt like he was staring at the ceiling for hours when suddenly he heard a knock on the door that brought him out of his thoughts. He got out of bed quickly, not bothering to put on a shirt as he answered the door.

And there stood Reid, his gaze looking down at Morgan’s bare chest for only a brief second before he met Morgan’s eyes. He bit his lip nervously before speaking, “Could we talk?”

Derek let Spencer inside, shutting the door behind him. They both stood there, Reid messing with his hands as he looked down at his feet, obviously trying to find a way to start. Morgan decided this was as good of a time as ever to apologize again.

“You gotta know how sorry I am for what I said the other day to you, Reid.” He began, and watched as Reid’s head shot back up, “I didn’t mean any of it, and it was absolutely uncalled for. You’re right, it’s not my place to corner you and ask where you’ve been, and certainly not who you’re with.”

Reid thought about what he said, pursing his lips before finally blurting out what he came to say.

“I didn’t sleep with Ethan.”

Morgan shut his eyes. The part Morgan hated about himself was relieved at those words, while the bigger part of his felt guilty he made Reid think he had to talk about this. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Spencer.”

“I do, though.”

Spencer walked slowly over to Morgan until he stood right in front of him.

He could see the gold hue of his eyes, shining up at him with a particular honestly that made the tension in Morgan’s body slip away. This reminded him so much of the time when he came to Reid for comfort. It made Derek realize that this might be what _Reid_ needed to do in order to finally heal.

So Spencer took a deep breath, preparing himself.

“I went back to Ethan’s place, and I slept in his bed, but we didn’t- we didn’t _do_ anything. He kissed me once, while we were still at the lounge he plays at, but that was it.”

Derek knew what he needed to hear. “I believe you.”

Spencer let out a large sigh a relief, his body visibly relaxing at the reassurance. “It didn’t feel right.”

Morgan didn’t want to allow himself to read too much into that.

Instead, he just pulled Reid close, wrapping his arms around him protectively as he ignored how the omega _still_ didn’t smell normal. They stayed like that for the longest time, holding onto one another before Spencer finally spoke up again.

“Did you know that Hydromorphone passes the blood-brain barrier quicker than any other opioid out there?”

Morgan’s hold on Reid tightened, and he felt like he was going to be sick.

“I’ve only done it a few times on my own, when I’m alone, but…”

Spencer leaned back, pulling away just enough so he could look Derek in the eyes.

“I’m done. I’m not going to anymore.”

They didn’t talk anymore that night, opting to get ready for bed instead. That night Morgan slept next to Reid. He didn’t hold him, like he felt himself wanting to. But just knowing Reid was sleeping soundly beside him put the Alpha’s mind at ease. Hearing Spencer confirm Derek’s suspicions made him feel like his chest was splitting in two, but he knew the young man needed to tell someone about it so he could finally admit it to himself. That’s when Derek decided he’d put aside his own feelings, and do what he could to support Reid in any way.

Spencer didn’t need worry about anything else but himself right now.

With their line of work, he couldn’t always make sure Reid was safe, and that was a hard thing to come to terms with. But Morgan could make sure that whenever Reid was around him, he did everything to keep Spencer away from harm.

And he kept telling himself that he was okay with that.

 

It was three weeks later when the scent of books and peppermint finally came back.

* * *

_“The past does not define me, it ignites me. The past is not a piece of me, it has placed me."_ **― Ricky Maye**

 


	4. Out of Temperance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Gideon leaves, Reid goes to Morgan for comfort, and other members of the team begin to notice Morgan's ever growing attachment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to cut this one short since it's been a few days since I released the last chapter. I burned myself out last time writing so much and going through episodes and decided to take a bit of a break. Let me know if you guys would rather wait and have more content per chapter :) I try to get these out the moment I'm finished, so please don't be afraid to tell me if you see grammatical or spelling errors and I will edit it.
> 
> Episodes mentioned:  
> Season 3, Episode 2 In Name and Blood  
> Season 3, Episode 8 Penelope

When Gideon left, Reid had shown up on Morgan’s door, confused and upset as he tried to show him the note Jason left and asked Derek what it meant. The truth was, Morgan didn’t know. Derek was hurt over this as well, but he knew it didn’t compare to Spencer. The old profiler had fought so hard for Reid to join the BAU, had put his own career on the line so that Reid could have a chance in the field. Gideon had been like a surrogate father to him.

Derek understood why Gideon had to leave. He understood Gideon needed to find his faith in humanity again. He understood the emotional and psychological toll being a part of this team had. But what he couldn’t understand, for the life of him, is how he could leave Spencer without saying a proper goodbye.

Maybe because Jason knew if he saw Spencer, he’d loose his nerve to leave altogether.

Reid didn’t cry, but he sure wasn’t okay, and when Spencer had timidly asked if he could spend the night with Derek he didn’t have to ask twice. Morgan was just about to offer up the guest bedroom when Spencer interjected, his cheeks pink in the tinted light of the hallway. And all Morgan could think of was his steadily growing affection for the kid he wasn’t sure he could ignore for how much longer.

“I was hoping that maybe I could sleep next to you.”

Spencer bit his lip, as if he already regretted saying it. But he continued speaking as he met Morgan’s gaze, “I just- I don’t trust myself alone right now.”

The unspoken meaning behind those words did not go over Derek’s head.

And Morgan knew he should tell Reid no, that even if they had done this twice already they shouldn’t continue the habit. But one look in those eyes, and he found himself sighing and saying, “Come on, kid,” before he could stop himself.

They both got ready for bed, Morgan giving Reid a loose t-shirt and an old pair of gym shorts with an adjustable tie so Spencer could tighten them to fit his frame better. And once they had showered separately and done their nightly routine, the two found themselves standing on opposite sides of the bed, Reid crossing his arms across his chest protectively as Morgan studied the Omega’s behavior. It was obvious he was nervous, even if they had slept next to each other before. He wanted to say something to ease his mind and make sure everything was okay.

“It’s just me, pretty boy, remember?”

That seemed to pull Reid away from his thoughts, and he got under the covers once Morgan did.

They laid there, and Derek stared up at the ceiling as Spencer automatically shifted on his side to face the wall. The silence between them was calm, serene, yet after a good ten minutes it was obvious neither of them were asleep.

Derek called out, quietly, “Spencer?”

After a few seconds, he heard a response, “Yes, Derek?”

It only took a moment for Derek to switch positions, laying on his side and getting closer to Reid so the younger’s back was pressed against his bare chest. His arm slowly went to wrap around his torso, and when he got no resistance Morgan automatically searched for Reid’s hand to cradle in his own. His other limb had made its way underneath Reid’s head to act like another pillow, and Derek could feel the younger’s body finally get warm. He could feel the chill leave Reid’s pale skin as Derek covered him like an extra blanket and continued to hold him close. Something about this felt so right, even if he knew this would just get them further in a hole Morgan wasn’t even sure he wanted to get out of. He could feel Reid melt into him, pressing back against Morgan as his mind fogged up with the unanswered question in the air.

Morgan whispered gently against Reid’s hair, inhaling the boy’s scent that was becoming like a drug to him, “A little birdie told me once that biology was a pretty powerful thing.”

He heard Reid’s breathy, quiet chuckle for only a brief second before the doctor fell asleep in his arms.

Derek was pretty sure he knew how he felt about Spencer. Every fiber of his being wanted to wake up the sleeping omega he couldn’t help but think looked like an innocent child. He wanted to see his eyes flutter open, the look of confusion come across his face as he woke up to Derek hovering above him. He wanted to touch Reid’s milky skin, slide his hands underneath the clothing that was too big for him and feel his body temperature rise as his fingertips traced his every outline. Then, Derek would lean in and kiss Spencer, taking his lips for his own as he slid off his clothes and made him forget, forget about anything else but Morgan’s name.

He wanted to see Spencer writhing underneath him in intense pleasure as he took him, and make every inch of the omega smell like him. He wanted to make love to Spencer, have their bodies rocking against each other as it felt like they couldn’t get any higher.

Derek wanted to sink his teeth into the crook of Spencer’s neck as he knotted him, and have Spencer connected to him in every way he possibly could.

And the thought scared him.

Morgan shifted his hips away from Reid’s sleeping body, the images in his head already sending a stirring heat down to his groin and making himself already half-hard. Derek didn’t want Spencer to wake up to the feeling of his erection pressing against the small of his back. He realized his feelings for Spencer were more than just friendship, and more than just the innate lust his body craved.

Derek kissed the back of Spencer’s head, wondering just when he fell in love with this kid before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Morgan promised himself this would be the last time he spent the night with Reid like this.

 

“I um…”

Morgan gave a small hum as he looked over at Hotchner. “I can’t sleep.”

They spoke quietly, sitting across from each other on the plane. Everyone else was asleep but them, Prentiss and JJ in the front and Reid laying down on the sofa in the back.

Hotchner looked up from his paperwork, speaking sincerely, “You want me to turn off the light?”

Morgan just shook his head. “No. I wanna be able to sleep.”

Hotch only studied him for a moment before he put down the paperwork, “What’s the matter?”

There were a lot of things on Morgan’s mind. Gideon leaving, whatever was going on between him and Reid… But at the moment, Morgan was more concerned with Hotch. It was obvious something was wrong.

He looked up, “What’s the matter with you Hotch?” When there was no response, Morgan continued, “You’re sitting here doing work when you’d normally take a break… Please, don’t tell me it’s about Gideon leaving.”

He watched as Hotchner avoided his gaze, “You know we made a deal a long time ago not to profile each other.”

“Am I wrong?”

Hotchner’s face seemed tired, like he hadn’t gotten any sleep in weeks. And Morgan wanted to know what was wrong, why it was that even after they had a successful case, Hotch was obviously upset.

He looked at his friend, concern apparent in his eyes as he spoke quietly as to not disturb the others, “You know, Hotch, today was a huge, huge victory for all of us. You know, I never thought I’d say this, but… We’re doing just fine without Gideon.”

Morgan knew Gideon wasn’t the reason why Hotch was upset, but he hoped it would help the normally stoic man open up. He watched as the older alpha avoided eye contact, distraught apparent on his face. “Hotch… what’s keeping you up tonight?”

And Hotchner looked up, but not at Morgan. He seemed to be somewhere far away, and Morgan could see the emptiness in his eyes.

“Haley’s left.”

Morgan couldn’t help the shocked expression on his face.

“And I don’t know if she’s coming back.”

Morgan wished he knew the right thing to say to make it better. He could only imagine the immense pain Hotch must be going through at the moment, knowing the love of his life no longer wanted to be in his. Haley and Jack were everything to him, that much was obvious. Not only that, but Haley was his _mate_. They were supposed to be bonded for life. And even though divorces did happen between Alpha and Omega relationships, due to their soul bonding it was much more prevalent in beta couples. He wanted to say sorry, but he knew that Hotch wouldn’t accept his sympathy.

Morgan chose his next words carefully, “Can you still feel her?”

Hotchner sighed and laid his head back against his seat, his eyes closed. Without a word he nodded.

“Well, then that’s what is important, Hotch. Hold onto that.”

The older Alpha just shook his head and opened his eyes to look at Morgan, “If Haley wants to let go, then who am I to stop her?” 

Morgan leaned forward, “If you can still feel Haley, it means that she can still feel you. And even if she’s gone, as long as you can sense her you will know she is safe.”

Hotch didn’t say anything, and Morgan figured the discussion was over. There wasn’t anything he could do, but maybe if Hotch remembered that their bond was still intact, it could help ease the process. Morgan looked away from Hotch and behind his shoulder, checking on the sleeping form behind him, almost instinctively.

Spencer was hugging himself loosely, his body relaxed and his face soft. And Derek thought he looked absolutely beautiful.

“You know, Morgan...”

Derek snapped his head back to face Hotch.

He saw the tired, serious look on Hotch’s face, and knew what he was going to ask before it even came out of his mouth.

“I know I asked you about this a long time ago, and I hate to bring it up again, but-”

“Hotch, just leave it.” Morgan didn’t necessarily beg, but his voice was exhausted. He didn’t want to talk about something when he wasn’t even sure what to do about it. He knew things had changed since then, but… He wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to address it.

“You know I can’t.”

Morgan figured the silence between them was enough of an answer. But Hotchner pressed, “Something’s changed between you and Reid, Morgan. And I need to know if you two are going to plan on pursuing it.”

Morgan glanced behind him once more, taking in the sight of the Omega sleeping peacefully. When Reid was asleep, it was hard to imagine how much the kid had gone through these last few years. He looked so calm, so serene and Morgan wondered what would happen if him and Reid really did get together. The first thing would probably be one of them getting transferred, and he didn’t want to think of the possibility of Reid losing something he worked so hard for.

Because unless they wanted to promote Morgan, he knew which one would end up getting taken out of the BAU.

“He’s been going through a hard time, Hotch. That’s all.” Morgan turned back to face his boss, looking him in the eye, “There’s nothing going on between us.”

For some reason, Morgan felt like he was trying to convince himself instead of Hotch.

 

Rossi brought an entirely different feel to the team, one that changed the dynamic dramatically, but his experience was greatly needed. It took the senior profile awhile to learn how to work with them and trust as a team. But he settled into the team, not just replacing Gideon, but bringing his own individual personality as well.

Morgan felt like Rossi knew more than he let on, that he would overstep boundaries. But regardless, he respected this man a great deal. And even if he would give Morgan a knowing glance whenever he caught him staring at Reid too long, he never said anything.

Things between Reid and Morgan were going back to as normal as they possibly could. Reid didn’t surprise him with any more sleepovers, and Morgan had promised himself to keep his distance. They fell back into their comfortable friendship, and Derek was okay with this.

He’d rather keep quiet about his feelings and protect him from afar than lose Reid as a friend.

 

When Penelope was shot, Morgan felt like it was another person he loved that he failed to protect. He didn’t leave her side, not once during the entire ordeal, and for the most part, Reid didn’t leave as well. He stayed at the hospital every day alongside Morgan, only leaving to get food and clothes or when either he or Morgan needed to go back to the bullpen. And he almost acted as emotional support not only for Garcia, but for Morgan as well. He listened to every doubt he voiced, every time he almost broke down.

It was almost as if he knew just how close Morgan was to falling apart, and knew exactly how to keep him afloat. Garcia meant so much to both of them, but Reid was always better at keeping level headed.

Spencer had just left to grab some coffee and breakfast for both himself and Derek, and Penelope was awake in her hospital bed, not as dazed as the day before but certainly not herself. Morgan was by her side, sitting next to her and watching TV when she turned the volume down low and looked over at him.

He instantly moved closer to her, instinctively taking her hand and speaking gently, “Hey, baby girl, what’s going on?”

Penelope gave a small smile, weakly squeezing his hand, “You know I may be weak right now, but I’m not blind, Derek.”

He chuckled, smiling down at his best friend. He wasn’t quite sure what she meant, “Blind to what?”

Her eyes were soft as she spoke, “You should tell him how you feel.”

His smile was slowly wiped away from his face as he realized what Garcia was implying, “Tell who what?”

She just squeezed his again, a small grin still on her face, “I’ve known you for how many years, and you think I didn’t notice?”

Derek sighed. He should have known he couldn’t hide anything from Garcia, especially when it came to Reid. “Baby girl, it’s nothing like that.”

“You _love_ him.” She said, “He deserves to know.”

Morgan decided to ignore the fact she obviously stated what Derek himself was afraid to admit out loud. “Garcia, it’s a lot more complicated than that. And it’s nothing you need to worry about right now.”

“Derek,” Penelope shook her head, her smile falling, “I want you to be happy.”

“I _am_ happy, baby girl.”

Which might not be completely true, but he needed her to believe it.

“But what about Reid?” She asked, “He’s- you two could be so good together.”

 “Reid can’t know, Penelope.” His voice was soft but he spoke with a finality that told her there was no room for debate. “I would much rather keep him as a friend than lose him.”

He hated upsetting her, but he couldn’t do this for Penelope. Derek already made up his mind about the issue, and he wasn’t planning on messing up anytime soon.

She tried to protested, “But-”

“No buts,” He interjected, and tried giving a reassuring smile, “I’m _fine_. Now you focus on getting better. I’m much more worried about you at the moment.”

Morgan knew Garcia wouldn’t say anything, but he hated how he just put her in this position.

Spencer didn’t need to worry about some Alpha he trusted to protect him and be his friend pursuing him and possibly ruining his life. He’d be there for Reid, through thick and thin. But no matter what biological urges, no matter what Derek might think, he refused to let his wants overpower his need to be there for Reid. Maybe it was different for others, but Morgan was painfully aware of Reid’s Omega status and how it might be perceived if anything were to transpire.

And at the moment, Derek wasn’t willing to risk everything for a chance to find a mate.

Spencer was more important than that.

* * *

_“When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve.”_ **\- Ernest Hemingway**


	5. Out of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid puts himself in danger and Morgan realizes he can't stay silent anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this sooner, but life honestly got in the way and I wasn't able to finish until now. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please don't be afraid to tell me of any mistakes you notice.
> 
> Episodes Mentioned:  
> Season 3, Episode 16 Elephant's memory  
> Season 3 Episode 20 Lo-Fi  
> Season 4 Episode 1 Mayhem  
> Season 4 Episode 7 Memoriam  
> Season 4 Episode 24 Amplification

Morgan didn’t know keeping his distance would be so hard.

He tried to find a balance between being a supportive friend to Reid and what was overstepping boundaries. But it seemed like as things progressed, the line separating the two was slowing becoming blurred. He hated watching Reid put himself in dangerous situations, but all of it was part of the job. And by now, Morgan was getting used to it, of masking his concern as only that of a friend. If Garcia ever tried to talk about it with him over the phone, he’d hang up before she got the chance. She never said anything to Reid, luckily, but only because she felt like Morgan should.

After a while, she stopped mentioning it, and Morgan was grateful for that.

 

All of them got off the plane, exhausted and tired after their last case. Morgan had slept the entire way to Quantico, albeit restless. He hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Reid about what happened during the case and, even though he figured Hotch had already given him a scolding, wanted to just ask: _why_? Why had Reid been so stupid as to try to talk down the armed kid? He knew Reid identified with him; the bullying, the pain, feeling as if you were marginalized. But all of them knew how reckless it was; Reid could have gotten himself, as well as others, killed. Part of Morgan thought none of it was any of his business. But the other part was screaming, wanting to yell at Reid over how much of an idiot he was to try and talk down the unsub like that.

Everyone said their goodbyes in the parking lot, JJ and Prentiss eager to get out of there and Hotchner going back up to the office to, ‘just grab some files to work on at home.’  Morgan glanced over at Reid, who looked like he was in his own world, fiddling with something in his hand.

Something was up with the kid.

He made his way over to Reid, startling the Omega out of his thoughts as he quickly put whatever he was looking at back in his pocket.

“Want a ride home?” Derek spoke without thinking much about it.

Spencer seemed to contemplate this for a brief moment, before giving him a tired smile, “Sure.”

They made their way over Morgan’s truck and neither of them wasted anymore time getting inside.

He knew Spencer must be exhausted, having been the only one besides Hotch to not sleep on the plane ride home. He was leaning against the windowsill, staring blankly out the window and it took every fiber of Morgan’s being to continue looking at the road. If they were going to talk about it, this was Morgan’s chance to ask.

“You mind telling me why you did it?”

Spencer just sighed, “You know why, Morgan.”

The thing is, Derek did know why. He knew Spencer related to Owen, he knew Spencer identified with being completely humiliated in front of others. He knew Spencer wished he had someone, anyone, back then who was on his side. He knew Spencer never did what he was supposed to if he felt like he could stop something terrible from happening.

“If you hadn’t succeeded, a lot of people could have died. You could have died, Spencer. ”

Spencer’s voice was snappy, argumentative, “Well, I didn’t. So I don’t understand why we’re talking about this.”

Morgan’s grip on the wheel tightened as his eyes darted away from the road to look at Reid for a quick second. “Do you really care so little about your own life you’d be willing to throw it away like that?”

The silence between them was deafening, the sound of tires rolling on the pavement feeling like a screeching chalkboard to Derek’s ears. Spencer wasn’t answering, and he wondered if that meant he was right. If Spencer really didn’t care about whether or not he lived or died.

And well, Derek didn’t know what to make of that.

“Look,” Morgan continued, not being able to take the silence anymore, “I get that you wanna save as many lives as possible, kid. I really do. And believe me, you don’t know how happy I am to know you’re okay and everything worked out. But you gotta realize you can’t save everyone. There’s going to be a time where you can’t talk them down. And if you’re going to still block my shot, I won’t be able to stop them.”

“I know that I can’t save everyone.” Reid stated, glancing quickly over at Morgan before looking down at his lap.

“Then _why,_ Spencer?”

Derek’s voice was pleaded, tired, as if he exhausted all other emotions trying to get the truth out of Spencer. They fell back into an uncomfortable silence as he pulled up beside Reid’s apartment complex and parked the car. He undid his seatbelt as looked over at Spencer, whose head hung low as he stared in at his hands, and waited for an answer.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Spencer spoke up.

“Derek, if I had let you kill Owen…”

Reid finally looked over at Morgan, his eyes almost glossy and his voice shook out of nerves.

“I wouldn’t have been able to save myself.”

The admission was heartbreaking, and Derek didn’t want to admit he understood what Spencer meant by that.

Morgan sighed, and his expression softened as he looked over at the Omega. “I’m sorry, Spencer.”

The truck was only lit up by the lights emitting from the dashboard and the moon shining through the window. But Spencer seemed almost illuminated in the darkness, his pale skin reflecting brilliantly in the darkly lit space. And Derek found himself wondering, just how beautiful could one person be. His eyes darted down to Spencer’s lips as he dragged his teeth over his lower lip, and it took all of Derek’s willpower to not lean over and take those lips for his own.

“It’s okay,” Spencer whispered, his eyes darting down for just a brief second before meeting Derek’s once more, and he gave that timid smile he always wore when he didn’t know what was left to say. “Thanks for the ride.”

Reid unbuckled his seatbelt and had the door open when Morgan blurted out, “We’re still okay, pretty boy?”

He looked over at Derek and nodded, “Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”

The response made Morgan grin almost to his ears, “I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

“Actually, um…” Spencer tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, biting his lip again, “I’m not coming in next week.”

Derek furrowed his eyebrows, “Why? You going to actually take some time off? Visit Las Vegas?”

If it wasn’t so dark, Derek might have been able to see the blush spreading across Spencer’s face. “Normally Hotch makes sure our yearly Vacation time coincides with it so it’s not a problem, but I’ve had to switch some of my medications around. So um… my reproductive cycle has changed.”  

Morgan was now very grateful they were in the dark, as he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as he realized what that meant. He nodded stiffly, not quite sure what to say, “Let me know if you need anything.”

He didn’t think of how that might be construed before it came out of his mouth, inwardly cringing as he heard Spencer’s breathy laugh, “I’m not quite sure that would be such a good idea. JJ normally stops by and makes sure I’m alright.”

Morgan’s mouth was tight lipped and he nodded, feeling stupid. “Right. Have a nice night, Reid.”

“You too.” Reid made his response short as he shut the car door, and Morgan couldn’t help himself as watched Spencer hurry to his apartment.

Once Spencer was inside the building Derek drove off, willing his erection to go down. He hated how easily _bothered_ he could get whenever he was remotely alone with Reid. His mind traveled to what he said about Vacation time, how Spencer’s heat was normally sometime during their time off. Morgan himself was more worked up while on break, opting to find some girl at a club to take home for the night or just take care of the issue himself.

The week Spencer was absent from the office felt absolutely antagonizing, and Derek realized the reason why when he found himself masturbating every night to the thought of what Spencer might be doing all alone.

 

With everything that happened in New York, Morgan found himself faced with a confusing and hard decision.

Hotchner’s words echoed in his mind, about whether or not Morgan trusted him with his life. And if Morgan was being completely honest with himself, he didn’t know. He didn’t know whether or not he trusted anyone with his life. He trusted the team to make decisions they thought were best depending on the situation. He trusted his colleagues to do everything they possibly could. But in the end? He just didn’t know.

Morgan pissed off all of his team when he took that ambulance and drove it as far away as he could. Garcia was a crying mess when she finally got to see him, and Prentiss and JJ ganged up on him and scolded him about being so reckless. Rossi’s face said it all, and well, Morgan knew exactly what Hotchner thought of it. Reid…

Reid hadn’t said much.

 The paperwork for the transfer was sitting on his desk in front of him, waiting for his response. And Morgan still didn’t know what his answer would. He never even thought to leave the BAU, let alone be the head of the NY field office. But now that the opportunity arose, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He loved his job, but God, did it take years off. It was almost like slowly committing suicide.

They expected an answer by the morning, and Morgan almost felt like flipping a coin would be more productive in deciding than what he decided. He picked up the form, sighing as he reread the printed words. He was so lost in his own thought he almost didn’t hear the voice behind him.

“You’re here late.”

Morgan quickly hid the paper underneath one of his files and turned around to face that voice he knew all too well, and grinned, “So are you.”

Reid’s smile wasn’t as convincing as he’d like to believe. “I was helping Rossi with some of his files.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as Reid took a seat, and Morgan didn’t need to be a genius to realize there was something on his mind. He turned in his chair to face Reid, “What’s going on in that head of yours, pretty boy?”

Reid shrugged, his gaze focused on the files laying on Morgan’s desk. After a few more seconds Spencer bit his lip and looked back up at Derek, “Is it… Is it true you’re thinking about taking up the New York Office?”

Derek sighed.

“I mean,” Reid continued, “I heard they wanted you for the position, but- are really taking them up on the offer?”

He knew that Reid would ask about it eventually, but Morgan felt like no answer he could give was really good enough.

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly.

Reid avoided eye contact, fiddling with his hands in his lap. They both knew there really wasn’t much else to say about it. But even so, Reid looked as if it was taking every fiber of his being not to go off on one of his long rants.

“I don’t… I don’t want you to go,” Reid spoke quietly, looking up at Morgan with big eyes. Derek felt like his heart stopped, like time was freezing around them. Spencer’s face, the way he was staring at Derek with those pleading, hopeful eyes. Derek knew that leaving Spencer at this time would just instill in him the idea that everyone would leave, in the end. It wasn’t true. Even if Morgan took the position, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t visit, wouldn’t see Reid and the others. But it would be different. And Derek asked himself, would he truly be happy in New York? Would he be happy not doing this job?

The answer was no.

Looking at Spencer, Derek wondered why it even took him this long to come to that conclusion.

Morgan took the transfer paperwork out of the file, “Don’t worry, pretty boy.”

Reid’s head shot quickly as he heard a harsh, tearing sound.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Derek threw the ripped contract in the waste bin, and the two of them just stared at each other for the longest time until they both broke out in relieved laughter.  Once they fell back into a comfortable silence, Spencer gave Derek a small smile.

“You know, if you had-” Reid began, choking on his own words for a moment as he looked down and shook his head. “If you had died, I don’t know what I would have done.”

Morgan wondered how he could have even thought about leaving the BAU, when everything he needed was right here.

 

Waking Spencer up from his nightmares was something Derek did not enjoy in the slightest. And watching the events of Las Vegas unfold was even tougher. There was no way he could have let Spencer confront his father about the past alone, and all Rossi had to do was give him a knowing look for them to be in his hotel room waiting for Spencer to get back with the files.

Morgan would be the first to say how relieved he was to know that Riley’s murderer wasn’t Reid’s father, and that he could finally get some closure. And Reid’s quiet, “thank you,” on the plane ride home to both him and Rossi was more than enough.

By the time they made it home JJ already had her baby, and Reid went to the hospital room to greet her first thing.  Rossi and Morgan trailed behind slowly, taking their time so they could leave the two of them alone for some privacy. Without a word Rossi placed a hand on Morgan’s shoulder, stopping him in his tracks and turning the younger Alpha to face him.

“You know, in all my years I’ve never met someone with more restraint than you, Morgan.”

Morgan hoped the look on his face conveyed how much he wanted Rossi to drop this. “I’m sure you can think of someone.”

Rossi didn’t push it, something Morgan was grateful for, and continued walking to JJ’s room. He hated Rossi’s ability for perception and how he seemed to never be able to turn it off. At this point, it seemed like everyone but JJ had said something about Spencer to Derek at this point, and it was becoming even more apparent how bad he was at hiding his feelings.

When they got to JJ’s room, Morgan was greeted to one of the most beautiful sights he could have ever witnessed.

Spencer was holding JJ’s newborn, Henry, in his arms. He had this gentle smile, the way he rocked him carefully, as if he didn’t know what quite else to do. And suddenly Derek’s mind was affronted with images of a life he didn’t think he could ever have. But even so, he let himself imagine what it would be like, to have a life with Spencer. What would it be like to have their own children, to feel that joy of becoming a parent, with him? Visions of Spencer, his belly extended out as he waddles around Derek’s house, picking out what color scheme the child’s room should be. Spencer sweaty and tired as they showed everyone just what they had made, together. Spencer holding their own child like he’s holding JJ’s now, rocking them to sleep and reciting old children’s stories as he puts them to bed.

“Hey guys,” JJ greeted, and it made Reid’s head snap up, his eyes meeting Morgan’s. And without a word he smiled, making Derek have a funny feeling arise in his stomach, like the butterflies he used to get as a teen whenever a pretty girl looked at him.

And the only thing Morgan was certain of was how hopelessly in love he was in with Reid.

 

“The lab is clean? You sure… alright.”

Morgan got off the phone with Prentiss and turned to face Reid.

“They got nothin-”

Morgan looked around him, trying to find any sign of Reid. But he wasn’t there. Morgan has just only answered his phone and turned away for a moment, where could he had gone to?

“Reid?”

Oh no.

“Reid!”

He must have got inside the house by himself. Which meant he was alone. Reid didn’t wait for him. Morgan hurried to the house, calling out Reid’s name, every time more panicked than the last. Because this wasn’t good, Reid was in danger.

He ran inside just as he heard Reid’s voice.

“Morgan, get- get back! Get back!”

Time seemed to move slowly. He saw Reid shut the door on him faster than he could stop him. “Get out of here-”

“What are you doing?!”

“No, No, go-”

Morgan’s voice was panicked as he watched Reid, franticly fastening the glass door air shut, “What’s wrong?!”

“Morgan _please_ step back!” He pleaded, his voice firm and he’s eyes held a frightened look. He looked scared for Morgan, and tore his eyes away to focus on locking the door. Locking him out.

“What’s wrong?” Morgan repeated, knowing he sounded desperate but he didn’t care. Reid tucked his hair behind his ear.

He already knew.

 And Morgan tried to use his alpha voice, something he never did to Reid.

“ _Reid open the door!”_

A moment of silence passed between them, and the whole world went still. Reid finally lifted his head to look at Morgan. He looked lost for words, guilty, like he knew he just defied him and tried to convey just how scared he was.

His voice came out weak as he swallowed dryly, “I’m _sorry_.”

His head gaze to the left and on the floor, and Morgan found himself looking as well.

A broken vial with white powder, the AC on full blast. And Reid on the other side of this door.

Reid met his eyes once more, just for a moment before having to look away, guilt written all over his face.

Morgan stared in disbelief. No. This couldn’t be happening again, not to him. Not to Reid. He couldn’t lose him again.

He spoked softly, only audible enough to make sure Reid heard him from the other side of the glass door. “Reid.”

No response.

“Spencer,” he pleaded, “ _look_ _at me_.”

He finally obliged, looking up and meeting his gaze with desperate eyes. “I’m so sorry, Morgan.”

“Let me in, Reid.”

He shook his head, “You _know_ I can’t do that, Morgan.”

Morgan could feel his voice get caught in his throat. His voice was cracking.

“This is my fault.”

“No.” Reid spoke immediately, “Don’t do this to yourself, Derek.”

“This is all my fault. I should be in there with you.”

“Derek, listen to me,” Reid’s voice shook, “I went inside by myself, it was my choice, this is not your fault.”

Morgan shook his head, “I should have been there, dammit.”

He couldn’t allow himself to break down, not in front of Reid.

Reid bit his lip before speaking, “I’m glad you weren’t.”

Morgan felt like his heart was breaking in two. “That’s not how it works, pretty boy. I’m the one who looks after you, not the other way around.”

Reid looked on the verge of tears, begging, “Then please, for once, let me be the one to save you.”

They stared into each other’s eyes, both trying to convey in a glance what neither of them could say. And Morgan wish he had the strength to say it. Those beautiful brown eyes that looked at him with fear and concern, now looked at him with a tenderness that let Morgan know his heart was breaking just the same.

“I’m gonna get you out of here, Reid. I’m gonna call Hotch and we’ll figure this out and you’re gonna be okay, alright pretty boy?”

Reid fought back his tears brilliantly, closing his eyes tightly and nodding his head in confirmation.

Morgan left the home and called for backup, dialing Hotchner’s number.

He couldn’t lose Reid. Not like this.

And once they were out of this mess, he didn’t care what the consequences were. He was going to make sure he never spent a day of his life regretting he didn’t have Reid beside him.

 

Watching Reid in that room, knowing he could be dead within hours if they didn’t find a cure was one of the hardest things Morgan had ever done in his life. And what was even harder, was to see how strong Reid was. He continued working this case, he helped find out the identity of the unsub _and_ the cure. And Morgan knew it had been important for him to act just as strong, encouraging Reid and helping him push past the pain and haze due to the chemical weapon flowing through him.

They were acting brave for each other, and even though they were terrible liars, it did help.

He only left Reid when he knew we was in safe hands, facing Dr. Komura before leaving.

“Take good care of him, please.”

She gave him a brief, but understanding nod.

Leaving Reid at that moment was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but Morgan knew he was right.

Hotch needed him, and he had to trust Reid would be okay.

 

“Are you eating Jell-O?”

Morgan looked up from his Jell-O and magazine, the sound of Reid’s tired voice music to his ears. He grinned, staring at Reid in his hospital bed. He was pretty even in a hospital gown.

“Hmm. Hey, kid.” He spoke gently, trying to stop joy from overtaking him. He turned to call over Dr. Komura, “Hey Doc, look who’s back.”

“Is there any more Jell-O?”

They talked briefly with Komura about Brown, filling Reid in on the events that transpired while he was out. Morgan couldn’t have been more grateful to see Reid was okay, that everything went well and he would be back to normal soon. He forced himself to look away from Spencer’s face to look at Komura, trying to express his gratitude.

“Thank you for everything, Dr. Komura.”

She smiled, shaking her head, “No need to thank me, Agent Morgan. It was my pleasure.” She looked between the two of them, a mischievous smile adorning her features, “I am very happy everything worked out and I could return Dr. Reid to you. I hope the two of you will be very happy together.”

Oh this woman was sly.

“I’m sorry?” Spencer laughed nervously, looking up at Komura with confusion and a blush staining his cheeks.

She looked towards Morgan, giving him a knowing smirk before excusing herself, and closed the curtain behind her.

Derek figured it was as good of a time as ever to tell Spencer. He walked over to his bedside, and tentatively took Reid’s hand and gave him a smile. He could sense the confusion emitting from Reid, those wide eyes looking down at their conjoined hands and Morgan felt the nervous tremble in Spencer’s fingers. When Spencer looked back up, Derek could see the question being asked in those beautiful eyes. “Morgan,” he spoke, trying to keep his voice steady, “What’s going on?”

“I haven’t been honest with you, Reid.” Morgan spoke truthfully. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to push you away, or make you feel uncomfortable. But I can’t do this again, I can’t watch you die slowly in front of me and not have you know.”

He leaned forward, getting closer to Reid and squeezed back when he felt the tension in his hand. Reid’s cheeks were stained with color, and he stared into Morgan’s eyes, frozen. He didn’t have to feel it to know Reid’s pulse was beating rapidly, to tell that Reid was about as nervous as himself.

“Derek.”

“Spencer.” His free hand went to brush Spencer’s hair out of the way before caressing his cheek. He felt the omega lean into his touch on instinct, and watched as Spencer closed his eyes, overwhelmed. Morgan took a deep, calming breath, letting his senses take in Reid.

Books and Peppermint.

Morgan sat on the side of the bed and placed a free hand on the other side of Reid to balance. He watched Spencer’s eyes flutter open, staring up at Morgan and trying not to fidget or look away. He leaned closer, his body twisting as his he hovered above his body. Reid’s skin was pale, but it held just the slightest amount of color, a light pink spreading from his neck to his collarbone. And Derek was once again taken back by just how _beautiful_ Spencer was.

“I can’t spend another day wondering what it would be like to do this.”

He only studied Reid’s surprised reaction for a brief second before closing the gap between them and capturing Spencer’s lips with his own.

His lips were unbearably soft, slightly chapped but still perfect. And while Spencer didn’t move, he did kiss back. It was slow, gentle, and Derek felt their lips sliding together as he caressed his cheek. He kept it brief, only nibbling on Spencer’s bottom lip briefly before releasing it.

 He pulled back, just enough to where he could see Spencer’s features without going cross eyed. It looked like Spencer was trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling, his expression one mostly of confusion and it made Derek chuckle nervously.

“Come on, pretty boy, you can’t leave me hanging like this.”

Derek’s thumb caressed Spencer’s cheek, and he knew the look on his face gave away every emotion he had tried so long to hide. But he didn’t care anymore. He was never good at words, but he hoped his actions spoke loud and clear.

After what seemed like an eternity, Spencer gave a nervous chuckle, his cheeks flushed pink and he smiled up at Morgan.

“Sorry, it’s just,” he shook his head, wiping dry eyes, “I was wondering if this was all a vivid dream, if I was making this all up in my head or that I was going crazy because I never thought for a second that-”

Morgan watched Reid choke on his own words and rubbed his cheek gently once more.  He tried not to let it show, that he was hanging onto Spencer’s every word. But it proved to be one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

Spencer smiled, breathless as he shivered in nervousness, “That you’d actually consider me… to be your mate.”

“Oh, pretty boy,” Derek grinned, staring down at him with caring eyes, “you gotta know you’re so much more than that.”

Spencer gave a timid smile in return, the side of his mouth quirking up, “I’m starting to.”

Derek decided he wasn’t leaving until Spencer was released from the hospital, so he could drive the doctor home and make sure he got the rest he needed. He knew they would be taking this slow; above all, their work came first. It’s not like anything would change much in the next few months. But now that Spencer knew, Derek was determined to court him properly.

He’d make sure Spencer knew Derek didn’t choose him.

Reid was the only option for him.

* * *

_"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."_ **\- Barbara de Angelis**

 


End file.
